I'm sorry my penis didn't work
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
