just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
