i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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