yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Randomize
