meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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