When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
