i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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