There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
