i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
