Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
