Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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