Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Randomize
