Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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