marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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