Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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