she looked like the bat from fern gully.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
