I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
