You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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