Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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