I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
