Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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