Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
