oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
