I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
