tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
