I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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