OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
you had me at cake vodka
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
