If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
