toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
