i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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