So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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