I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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