i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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