She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
