we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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