I just saw a hot homeless man
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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