we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
