Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
