There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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