Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
