hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
