i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
