I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
