I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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