I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
