Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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