I wanna bring you to show and tell
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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