I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
