Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
