I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
