can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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