I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
