Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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