Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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