woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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