he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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