We're like a lot better than the average bears
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
