..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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