Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
