I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
