oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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